Not so fast though. This wish is not on a star in the conventional way. Rather this is the much more interesting way of 'wishing on a DEATHSTAR!'
How does this work?
Well, as the Deathstar was used in Star Wars for destroying planets, so I am going to put it to better use and get it to rid us of things that need to go. It could be a personal thing or maybe a larger issue in the world but join in as i think this could be telling.
Shall I start?
I wish on the Deathstar, that it would destroy campness. (i dont mean gay that doesnt offend me its rather the lispy cock your leg into the air mannerisms that overtake someone the day after they've come out) Also, I make the wish to destroy all reality TV so I can get my life back on Saturday evenings.
now its your turn
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13 comments:
ok, here we go....
I wish upon a deathstar to rid the world of....
2/3rds of the human race. We're a bloody nightmare. Not content with finding new ways of murdering each other, we now have to elevate the status of pointless people like middle managers, footballers, politicians and DJ's to unheard of heights. We're nothing more than a virus with shoes.
Organised Religion. ANYONE who can take the word of God and then say, "What I think God meant was this.........." should be taken out to a field and run through with a rusty spike.
Jamie Oliver - FlavorShaker this ya fat tounged burger flipper.
Wine buffs - NO! you cant taste Bees Wax and neither does it smell of burnt umber.... its fecking squashed grapes and alcohol.
Everybody on the Isle Of Wight
The makers of the coffee machine in our canteen.
Men who wear sandals
Ginger people (except Tori Amos)
Anyone who's enjoyed an episode of "Strictly Ballroom"
Harley Davidson owners
The Ford Fiesta 1.4 Diesel Ghia
1994 - onwards
Anything with more than 6 legs (that includes all Boybands and other invertebrates)
Anyone called "Gary"
Liberals, lefties and tories.
Anything with more than 2 eyes
Dress Makers who call themselves "Designers"
Poodles
Cheese
and "Dora the explorer"
and that concludes my nominations
Good grief, delmonti! I was going to comment but I must have been destroyed as I come into at least one of those categories and life without cheese wouldn't be worth living anyway.
Hope you had a good Christmas chux
I spent some considerable time doing this yesterday and then Blogger screwed up and lost it so there are times when Blogger should be consigned to the outer limits of space!!!.....but then we wouldn't all be able to know each other, would we? ....and that would be sad. So I'll just have to spend another considerable amount of time trying to remember what I said yesterday (which isn't easy at my great age).
Deathstar can rid the world of:
Tony Blair
and his Government
The people who make heros of untalented yobs, dimwitted scrubbers and suchlike
People who knock on my door and tell me they're not going to sell me anything when it's patently obvious that they are
The one particular postman who leaves my mail on the doorstep whatever the weather instead of in the porch
Slugs
Tesco
Runnymede Borough Council
TV programmes that start '100 Best'
Holidays in Malta
I wish upon the Deathstar . . .
an end to outsourcing customer service phone representatives (banks, airlines, credit cards, etc.) to India, where they are enormously polite but haven't a clue about cultural context.
the total deafness (and soon) of anyone with their iPods cranked up so loud that half of Manhattan can hear what's coming through the ear-buds.
that anyone yammering loudly into a cellphone at a restaurant, bookstore, or library be struck by lightning.
that George Bush and Dick Cheney just go away.
that Britney, Paris, Lindsey, TomKat, Brangelina, Donald Trump, Anna Nichole Smith, and Simon Cowell be sent to Guantanamo. Now.
That's all I can think of at the moment.
And, yeah, I'm with Liz. What's wrong with cheese, delmonti? Eh?
Happy New Year, all! (deathstar or no)
Dave
feeling a bit passionate on this list i think.....
Dress Makers who call themselves "Designers" - unusual choice but i get it
Poodles - hmm something very disturbing about poodles i agree
Strickly Balroom - yes into darkness along with 'Dirty Dancing'
Liz
I'm destroyed too according to Delmonti's list!
Chris
Slugs - yes destroy
100 best tv - yes destroy
Tesco - yes but it will hurt!
(good list i'll have a word with Darth Vader for you)
Mary
Indian helpdesks - ohh yes indeedy
George Bush and co. - I understand
That list of famous guys I agree with except Britney - I know she cant sing but she's sooo pretty
This has started to warm up now but there's loads more that gets peoples goat i'm sure.
Get rid of anyone who holds someone else accountable for their own stupidity and/or actions.
A recent example being some mother in Cardiff whose son got blindingly drunk and then strolled off the end of the pier and drowned. She now wants a large fence constructed around the sea and all inland water!
Destroy her and all like her.
Thoughts from Dave...
I wish upon the deathstar to rid the world of:
The man in Weybridge who cooks our canteen "food".
People who can't shop in a supermarket without having to call someone on their mobile phone to ask what they want.
"Reality" TV shows.
Pop stars who only sing covers of other artists songs. Most of the time the cover version is inferior to the original and they are not putting anything new into the music industry.
Coffee shops - they seem to be everywhere now. If we prune a few things would be better - starting with Starbucks. More tea - less coffee!
Ooh - I like this!
OK - here goes...
1. Celebrities who are only celebrities because they are on celebrity-based TV programmes, not due to any kind of talent or likeable qualitites whatsoever (double-especially the ones who are famous because they are sooooo stupid, i.e. clueless Big Brother 'contestants').
2. Dairy products. I shouldn't eat them, but they're mostly so darned yummy! If they were gone, I wouldn't need the willpower I haven't got.
3. Most of my skin. It's not working properly and it hurts and it's making me miserable. Obviously I don't want no skin, because that would be horrid, I just don't want what I've got - I want it to be different.
4. Self pity. Annoying, isn't it?
5. TV ads for loans, debt consolidation, debt management and injury lawyers.
6. Whoever it is that lives in one of the flats above mine who throws their cigarette ends out of the window and onto my back garden.
7. The rude woman who works in Addlestone Post Office. (The one who grunts instead of speaking.)
8. Celery.
9. Tabloid journalism
10. Anyone in the catering industry who doesn't know how to make tea properly.
Thanks, Chuckie. That made me feel better!
Blimey. Delmonti's list is going to take some beating, but here goes.
I wish upon a Deathstar to rid the world of:
1. Drivers who do 40 mph along the Chobham road (3 or 4 miles long, limit is 60 mph) and then CARRY ON doing 40 when they get to the 30 mph bit in the village where parents are walking their kids to the primary school. Knobs!
2. Drivers who don't use their indicators. How hard is it to stretch out that finger 10 secs before you make that turning? Eh?
3. Restaurants that charge you £15 for a main course and then add £3 for each "side dish" which should really. £3 for a small dish of steamed green beans? Get outta here!
4. Lincolnshire.
5. People who park on bus stops because they're too idle to walk the extra 50 yards from the actual car park.
6. Anyone who says "literally" when they're not talking about either (a) the written word, or (b) something that's actually just happened.
7. Broccoli. However you spell it.
8. People who ask if I want to try some broccoli, thinking that maybe I'll have changed my mind. Last time I had it, it tasted like Satan's bath sponge. I don't think that genetically modified food has improved to the point where they've developed chocolate-flavoured broccoli just yet. When it has, you can ask me if I'd like to try again. Until then - leave me alone!
9. Estate Agents. Especially ones who think that somehow progress will have been made on mortgages, conveyancing, etc, in the past week when no-one's been at work. Numbnuts!
10. My beer belly.
I'm sure there's more. I'll be back when inspiration strikes. Besides, I don't want Chuckie to withdraw my reference... :-)
i'm adding to my list...
PC World they only supply stuff for numpties and charge too much (the thieving G*****S!)
Computers especially ones that have microsoft stuff running on them and are owned by my fatherinlaw
The Coat Stand Thief i've come in this morning after a day off and i've had my coat stand stolen from my locked office! You wait till I catch them!
can we take out george bush?
I disagree with dave, I am a liberal leftie and I have no idea what a torie is, but I might be that too! hehe, we oppose war and the killing of already grown people, its the lumps of cells that we don't give two shits about.
I hate slugs...
OK Chuckie, where are you?? I hope nobody's wished you away on the Deathstar!!
BLOGGER JUST ATE MY POST!!!!! I hate blogger....
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