A good a way to go?

It was my first time to Beachy Head, the cliffs next to the West side of Eastbourne. The views are stunning. It is probably now one of my favourite places on the South Coast near where I live.


There is a nice pub and visitor centre that are worth a look in. The visitor centre has a small museum of local interest at the back. This has displays and presentations on the local wildlife and details of historic significance about the area. This all sounds really nice and sweet doesn't it? That was until I arrive with my big feet ready to put them into my even bigger mouth.

Other people will take the place on face value and appreciate the heritage, but not me. Like serving a Pork Chop at a Bar Mitzvah, I arrive on the scene. I don't give any consideration to local sensitivities or peoples feelings, no not me. You see, Beachy Head has national fame mainly because of the amount of suicides that happen there.

Where other people might take this subject seriously, I with the sensitivity and feeling of a piece of coal can't resist going for the big one. How can I put this without making myself sound like a man with the tact of horny bull? Well I can't. I just came out with it to the man serving at the desk of the visitor centre. "So, how many cark it off the cliffs every year then?" It wasn't until the words were in the air that I realised how bad they were. The man was silent and stared at me like i'd farted in a monastery whilst the monks were in silent contemplation. To those of you that know me personally I'm sure you can imagine my useless efforts at backtracking as I try to erase my faux pas. Bumbling and rambling and stuttering , that hole getting deeper and deeper. Why is it you can't stop yourself in this situation. Best thing I could have done was turn around and walked back out.

They take this subject so seriously there that they have a full-time Chaplaincy Team to provide comfort to the potential 'cordless' bungee jumpers. These men of the cloth are supplied with their own Jeep to race to determined victims before they make their final attempt at being 'Superman' impersonator. Apparently some of those who are determined not to be stopped have to make a dash for it when the 'Collared' caped crusaders bound over the lumps and bumps on the landscape in an effort to cut them off from an appointment with the light at the end of the tunnel.

Death and suicide I know are not funny. I apologise for any offence this may give, but in true Englishman style, I find it easy to talk about sensitive things with humour. I still refer to man's 'bits' rather than the biological term as an example.

The really determined of you might still be holding out for the answer to the question. It seems that the hole digging led to the man at the desk giving up his solemn face and telling me that many sources claim it is about 20 people a year that die off Beachy Head, he was aware of double that amount this last year. The Chaplaincy are the only people who keep accurate records, but they weren't around to ask. They were probably driving about in the 4 X 4 interfering.....er I mean patrolling the area.

Beachy Head isn't a good way to go, but it is a good place to go, unless you've been feeling a little down recently that is.

Ketchup, I mean catchup

I've noticed that most people do not post on their blog for 1 of 2 reasons. 1. They have been too busy. Or 2. they are too miserable, down or depressed.

This is for normal people mind. In my case it's reason 3. because I've been abducted by aliens and subjected to all manner of pleasant and unpleasant testing and anal probing.

This is the only way I can explain life and my disappearance from the blogging scene.

For instance, a couple of weeks ago I got locked out of my house. I knew just as I closed the front door what i'd done. I recall a half dream of my wife saying she had taken my keys as she couldn't find her's. Thats why they weren't in my coat pocket! This happens I guess. It doesn't help the feeling you get in these situations of being stupid and ridiculous. I also had another problem. It was 1.30 pm on a Monday and I work from home. I was only meant to be popping up the road to get myself some lunch and a drink. It was a relief to discover my phone was in my pocket, so I could at least make the embarrassing call to my boss to explain why I wasn't working. I knew that i'd not be getting into the house too quickly, today was the day my wife had gone up to London with the kids to some museum. I had a car I couldn't get into sitting outside the house, as again my wife had my keys. I would have been happy to have gone to Eastbourne or even Brighton for the afternoon as there was nothing else I could do. But no! no house and no car. Lack of transport limited where I could go. Oh well, never mind, they would be back by dinner time.

After excepting that this was it I realised it wasn't so bad. I had my wallet so I could always get some grub and drink. The local shop was only 10 mins away, and it was an opportunity to do some gardening, that i'd not normally get. After some dodgy unlocking of my gate, I went into the garden to the shed. I discovered a little friend, a really attractive peacock butterfly. He had been unable to get out of the shed so I helped him out. See it was worth all this just for that. My new mate showed his appreciation by letting me take some photo's of him on some flowers a little later. Here's he is.


Things were going so well, until I got a text from my wife to say she was having dinner whilst in London now, and wouldn't be back till after 8 pm. It's then I also noticed it was getting cold. I had a choice, go get some fish and chips and try to sit it out, or, see if I can pop around to one of my new friends homes when they get back from lunch. The latter is not my sort of thing at all. For a start these guys don't know me that well yet as I've only been here a year. Probably the main thing is that although I'm a sociable guy, I don't like appearing 'needy' to others. I've called out for help in the past and was let down badly, so this was an issue for me. Pride looked like it was going to get in the way, until nature decided on the solution to my problem. It was the cold and the desperate need for the toilet that made up my mind. I had to phone a friend.

I called Laurence, who only lived a few minutes away from my house. To my utter amazement, he immediately said "no problem, give me a minute to speak to the Mrs and then come over and have dinner with us". I offered to pick up my dinner from the shop, but he wouldn't have any of it! When I turned up both he and his wife said they've never seen me so sheepish. This hospitality has reaffirmed that there are genuine people in this world, who care about others. I'll try not to be such a cynic next time. Let me tell you coming into the warm again was heavenly, and the relief of using the toilet was paradise.

I've had other odd experiences lately aswell, some good and some not quite as good. Due to time I can't go into them now, i'm sure thats a relief. I have checked to make sure the probe mentioned earlier has been removed now, and there are no signs of tampering that I can see, although i'm sure my feet glow in the bed now at night, odd that. (which reminds me ....did you know a new X-Files movie is coming out this year?)