the last word

As you can imagine its been a tough time with my mum's death. One of the most shattering parts has been dealing with family. I'm the youngest of 8 children, but I seem to be one of the most sensible which doesnt say much for the rest. A lot of emotion has been thrown about and its meant employing some pacifying and negiotiation skills.

The funeral went well considering, I saw a lot of family cousins and aunts etc that I havent seen for many years. Pop got up and said some stern words at the reception after the funeral, he felt the need to release some anger. If it had been any other occassion I think it would have caused a fuss, but people just accepted it as my father grieving. My brother asked me to play the role as an usher and a meeter and greeter at the funeral. It could have been tough but I guess the focus probably helped me through it all.

I chose some beautiful flowers for my mum at the local florist. When they asked about design i said i dont want anything that looks like funeral flowers but rather some that i'd take to a loved one. They did a lovely design with the floweres I chose. I also wrote the card and have attached the image, have a read.
A memorial service had also been arranged for the Saturday just gone. It was strange but i'd been having feelings about saying something about mum at this event. I had a chat with a good friend on the Friday who said you have one chance mate do it. He said even if you mess it up it doesnt matter but its better to have done it than to have wished you had after the event. So after gaining permission from my father I prepared a 5 minute or so speech. I decided on talking about my mothers personality and to relate a couple of stories.

An outstanding quality of my mum was that she was brave. She wasnt scared of anyone or anything. Rather people were scared of her!! Not because she was mean, because she wasnt! It was that she'd take anyone on that picked on her or her family. In this way she proved to be my refuge and my hero as a child. Talking about these things to others on Saturday was a priviledge I will always cherish! It was the right thing to do to have a personal word from one of us and i'm so proud of myself that I did it.

So this will be my last blog talking directly about this, I want to thank so many of you for your kind words and support. I hope it comes across how much she was loved and how much she will be missed.

With All My Love........Charles

night night mum.............

Yesterday my mum died age 78.


I had a call in the morning from my brother telling me the news, and it made my heart drop to the ground. I guess it is obvious that I was in a mess, all I desperately wanted and all I needed was to hug my mum again, to nestle into her neck and feel the comfort and the security that can only come from a loving mothers embrace. We rushed to the hospital and I went into see her. I was use to seeing my mum without teeth so that didnt shock me. All I could do was throw my arms around her and hug her and to tell her one more time that I love her so so much. Even though she was cold by now I found my mum and said my goodbye. So night night mum have a good rest you really need it I know, i'll see you soon enough, love you! Your ever loving son xx

Just a few days before, now thats my mum. Her name is Sarah but everyone knows her as 'Sally'. She is the most beautiful woman in the world.

The only way is up !! right?

I have been so quite on the blog front. The only reason I can think of is that i'm so exhausted physically, emmotional and mentally.

I had been offered some hope about getting the car on the road again but I think they were just teasing me. It is just too expensive and not at all cost effective to fix it. I'm now on the hunt for anything with 4 wheels and that works!!

My mum who is nearly 80 had a very bad fall 2 weeks ago. She feel over on a dodgy step leading out into the garden and has broken her hip!! Anything happening to my mum effects me badly as we are so close and effectionate. Thinking of my mum lying in the garden in such pain whilst my useless father sat in his chair not bothering to check if she was alright just makes my blood boil. In fact I only talked to him very briefly this week for the first time since the fall. I was concerned I might say something to him which would just make the whole situation worse. Anyway back to the condition of my mum. Well they did an 'emergency' hip operation 4 days later in the hospital and replaced the shaft of the femur with a titanium replacement and titanium ball joint. She's in a lot of pain. I think its hard on her especially as she had a stroke last year, and has not got full movement on her 'good' leg and suffers from drop foot. Its been tough getting to the hospital as my parents live on the east side of London. A friend took me up the day after the accident which was very helpful. Then Dave saved my life and offered me use of his car for the week, so I was able to see her! He said something very true to me and that was 'mams are special'.

Thanks again to Dave the Delmonti man again for that, and my mum says to thank you too from her!!

I think i'll finish this blog now and save the upbeat stuff for another time. (its not all been bad) I'd like to dedicate this to my beautiful mum who never scrimps on showing me love. (i'm struggling now) Here's a photo of her from when she was in hospital last year. (ironic dont you think)